This post goes out to divorced parents everywhere who live with more than their fair share of parental guilt.

As divorced parents, we worry about how our divorce will affect our children.  Will they be treated differently by their peers?  Will they act out?  Will they be overcome with sadness leading them down a path of destructive behavior?

Even as our children grow into adulthood, the guilt persists.  Family events can be a bit complicated.  Both my former spouse and I have remarried.  Sometimes there are just too many parents and stepparents in one place at one time.  Though it is great that we all get along, I always wonder if it is awkward for my children.

Divorce certainly has its share of challenges.  I never really considered that there could be an upside to divorce until one day I heard my two daughters talking about “Two Christmases”.  As they chatted, I saw them exchange a sly little smile.  Apparently, the fact that each divorced parent had their own household had some unexpected benefits at Christmastime.

On the first Christmas after my divorce, I was determined to make Christmas morning look the same as it always did.  I didn’t want my children to run into the living room to find “half” the usual number of presents under the tree.  I didn’t want them to have “half” the Christmas.  I made sure I bought just as many gifts as I had before the divorce.  Of course, you guessed it, my ex-husband did exactly the same.

My girls never said anything about this overabundance of gifts when they were little.  I guess it was small consolation for having to split the holiday between two parents.  Now that they are older, however, they acknowledge that they made out like bandits.  They admit “Two Christmases” was an inside joke among many “divorce” kids.  You can indeed put a price tag on parental guilt.

Kids can be so wise.  They realize the lengths to which we will go to make ourselves feel better about screwing up their lives.  I still feel guilty when I look back on all those Christmases when my kids had to split their holidays between two parents that they loved.  Now that they are grown, I hope they understand that the shower of gifts was actually a shower of love from two parents trying hard to keep the magic in Christmas.